I started receiving a lot of scam letters that opened with the line, "Permit me to inform you of my desire of...", so I thought I'd try this approach. Not surprisingly though, it would never yield any any responses...until along came Solomon...I guess he's either not too bright, or he actually likes pain!

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:51:12 +0200

Dear sir,

Good day and God Bless you.

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into a business relationship with you.

I know you might be surprised on recieving this mail due to we have not met before.

By brief introduction , I am Solomon Guei a citizen of Cote d'Ivoire and the only Son of late Mr and Mrs Robert Guei the formal military president.

My late parents was killed by the rebels in my home town Bouake the second Economic Capital of Cote d'Ivoire during the recent Political crisis of> 19th Sept 2002 .

My Parents was a Wealthy Cocoa and gold Merchant before they met their sudden death .

Before their death in a private hospital , my father secretly disclosed to me of the total Sum of [$10.5 million US dollars] he deposited in one of the Security company in Europe on behalf of his foreign business partner as the beneficiary for onward transfer to his Overseas account .

Dear, I am honourably seeking your assistance to stand as foreign partner of my late father and beneficiary of the money as well as guardian,and to help us retrieve this consignment from the security company and provide a bank account for the transfer after you must have cleared the fund from the security company.

I will also like you to make arrangement for me to further my Education.

My alternative Email Address:so.guei@caramail.com I can be reached through my email.

Best Regard,

Solomon Guei.

Good day,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of tying you to a tree and beating you senseless with an tire iron, followed by pouring battery acid all over you and giving you numerous shocks with a cattle prod. This of course would be finalized by removing all of your limbs with a chainsaw.

Thank you very much, I look forward to fulfilling this desire of mine.

Sincerely,
Frank Rizzo

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:51:20 +0200

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your mail. However, it is normal for somebody to be careful nowadays because the bad people have buried TRUST while it is still living. I want you to understand that the confidence and TRUST which I am ready to impose on you is the same thing I want you to impose on me in return. I am a dedicated christian and beleives mostly in the word of our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. If I want to scam you at this age, what will happen to me when I will be man enough to handle my own affairs. I will be scammed also in any other way.

Secondly, if you have received such mails before, I don't think mine is just an ordinary mail but an assistance request. The only thing needed for you to do for me is to provide an account where this fund will be transfered. To prove to you my sincerity and clean mind, send to me an account with zero dollar as far as the account will carry this fund. I will be grateful to God if this transaction is concluded without problems with you so that you will know that TRUST and confidence is still alife in this wicked world of ours.

I also want you to know that as a young boy I am still ignorant of business world and will want you to lead me into business as soon as the money gets to your account. This is the most important reason why I needs your assistance.

When next you are writing me, try and include your phone and fax numbers for easy communication.

My regards to your humble self and God bless your family.

Sincerely,

Solomon

Oh, you'll be scammed in other ways alright! You've got that right pal. All I got for you is a phone number: 1-306-756-9239. Now hurry up with this cash there cocksucker!

Frank

Solomon,

I still haven't heard from you. Have you decided to give your money to someone else?

Frank Rizzo

Tue, 28 Oct 2003 13:12:31 +0100

Dear Frank Rizzo

The consignment was brought back to Abidjan due to claim delay in Europe. I want you to inform the attorney that the deposited box in the security company contains cash so that he will take money from the box to pay for the storage cost of the deposition.

On receipt of your mail, I quickly contacted the attorney and discussed this matter with him. The attorney requested for 3% of the total amount to complete the legal claim proceeds of the consignment in your name as the co-beneficiary to the deposited box. The attorney is expecting to receive mail or phone call from you to confirm that you have accepted his condition of service before he can start the job.

This is his contact,
Mr. Jibona H. Diabate,
Ministere De La Justice
Abidjan, Cote D' Ivoire.
Tel: 0022507856340.
Email:juabj011@justice.com

Please contact him and get back to me for the transaction to be concluded this week. After the claim of the consignment from the security company, he will open a bank account in your name for the lodgement of the money for onward transfer to your bank account abroad for the investment.

Awaiting your reply.

Best regards,

Solomon.

Sat, 1 Nov 2003 14:24:52 +0100

Dear Frank,

I hope you have not forgotten me, I am still expecting your mail. meanwhile, have you been in contact with the attorney?
Await your response
Solomon

Yeah, how could I forget you, you fuckin' prick! Impatient much there Sparky?! Christ, I've got a fuckin' business to run here, excuse me if I don't drop everything to do this pen pal shit with you here! I'll write these fuckers right now and I'll let you know how it goes after they get back to me.

Later,
Frank

ATTN: Mr. Jibona H. Diabate
RE: Solomon Guei's Money

Dear Mr. Diabate,

Hey there, Frank here. I've got this crazy fucker who's got a shitload of cash he wants to give to me. He asked me to tell you that it's all in a box at some security company, and that you can grab some cash out of it to pay the security company for the storage fee. Yeah, like you're not going to stuff a few wads of it into your own pocket while you're at it! I know, this knucklehead ain't too fuckin' bright! He didn't say what security company either, so I guess you're going to have fun trying to find it!

Let me know how you make out.

Frank Rizzo

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 07:56:49 -0800 (PST)

Attn: Mr.Frank Rizzo,

Sir, You must know that the deposited money is attested on bond so it is not scam or fraud.

Refresh your thought and address your mail to me properly.

Jibona

Hey, did I say it was a scam or fraud?? No, I did not, so what the fuck's the problem there Jibona?! Don't be such a fuckin' fruitcake and just take care of this! You got a fuckin' problem with the way I talk?! You better get used to it pal if you wanna do business with me! So come on and let's do this shit now! You're wasting valuable time you fuckin' fruity-assed cocksmoker!!

Frank

Wed, 05 Nov 2003 03:00:57 -0800 (PST)

RIZZO,

CALL ME ON 0022507856340 OR I CALL YOU .

JI.BONA

Hey there Jibo,

I've been trying this fuckin' number you gave me there for a couple days now, and all I get is a bunch of noise that sounds like a couple tom cats fighting in the back alley at night, then complete silence! What's the fuck's that shit all about? You sure this ain't a fax number or something? What the fuck do you need to talk about anyway?

Frank

Hey there Jiboman, feel free to respond sometime this fucking year there pal! What the fuck's the problem??? Come on, we've gotta hurry this shit up there cockbreath!

Frank

What the fuck's going on there Jiboman??!! Are you giving that money to someone else now you fuckin' prick??!!!

Frank

Thu, 13 Nov 2003 02:54:31 -0800 (PST)

Frank,

I was busy with other assignment that is why i have not reached you.

There is no way the money will be given to someone else without your concent.

I have not been able to see seriousness in you as a claimant so my feelings is that you are not capable to handle the business.

If you want to perform good, then i can act.

Have a nice day.

Mr. Jibona H. Diabate

And so what, this "other assignment" was more important than the shit you need to do with me here??!! What the fuck Jibo, I think it's you that's not capable to handle the business you clueless fuckwit!! I could've had my money by now motherfucker!! I'm going to have to ask Solomon to find someone else who's actually capable of this! So far, you've been about as useful as a windshield wiper on a fuckin' submarine!!

So if you think you're actually capable of doing this, then let's fuckin' do it already!!

Frank

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 04:04:34 -0800 (PST)

Frank,

You are entitled to your opinion so go ahead and tell Solomon to look for someone else that is capable to handle the project for you.

I dont do illegal deals for the sake of my name. If you want me to handle the transaction, you must consider legality very important so that after the transfer of the money to your account, every one will be relaxed his own share of the without any problem.

The late depositor's bond must be reconciled in your name for the bank to process the transfer in your name as the co-beneficiary.

Best regards,

Mr. Jibona.

Whatya mean, "for the sake of my name"?? Your name is shit, so get that cock out of your mouth and take care of this fucking business!! You know what, never mind. I think I'll ask Solomon to get someone else. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll die of old age before I ever get this money through you, you fuckin' knobhead!!

Frank Rizzo

Ok there Jibo, this is getting ridiculous! How long is this going to take??!! I think I should of had my money by now! Can you not hurry this up any more???

Frank

Solomon,

What the fuck gives there?! Are you giving that money to someone else now, or what??!! This Jibona cocksucker was completely useless!! You gotta find someone else to handle this because he was good for nothing! Hurry up Sol!

Frank Rizzo

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 13:45:41 +0100

Dear sir,

Please do not disturb our peace,I am longer trusting you after all your insults to the lawyer. Well since you are not sure of this I beg you in the name of God to leave me alone.

I need to be very careful to whom i will contact for help and who will help me both morally and financially to see that everything is concluded.

Thank you for your effort so far
Solomon

Of course I insulted the lawyer, he's a fucking idiot!!!! Solomon, you need to get another lawyer so that we can do this transaction as soon as possible! I need that fuckin' dough Sol, don't screw around like this!! You think you can get another lawyer by the end of today there??

Frank

Wed, 3 Dec 2003 17:21:36 +0100

Dear Mr.Randy,

I really got your mail.Maybe that the lawyer offended you.In what way.

I am tired of doing business with lawyers,for their requesting
unnecessary money,even if i have to contact another lawyer they will demand for
mobilization fee or registration fee.

I suggest we deal directly with the bank incharge here and the account
department will process all the transfer documents on your name.

Pls call me tonight for more directives.

God bless you
Solomon.

Yeah, I like the way you think there Sol! I never trusted that sleazy prick from day one! Who needs a lawyer for this anyway, right Sol?! Now we're finally getting somewhere! So, get to it then...chop, chop buddy! And who the fuck is Mr. Randy?!!

Frank

Fri, 5 Dec 2003 11:51:09 +0100

Dear sir,

Thanks for your mail.

I will send you the bank contact for you to reach them,but please I don't know you very well,so i will like you to send me your imformations and ID for me to know you very well.

Not that I did not trust you,I do,but i am scared of people this money is my life and hope,and my late father warned me to be very careful as he was killed because of his wealth,so my dear try to understand me and help to conclude this with the bank.

As soon as I received your imformations I will send you the copy of the deposit document which my father gave me before his dealth for you to study and present to the bank as a proof of co-beneficiary to the deposited fund and also the full contact of the bank.

I expected your call nothing comes,
May God bless you
Solomon.

Hey there Sol, how the fuck's it going?! I've attached a copy of my passport like you asked. I'm not sure what other information it was you wanted though. Now how's about sending that deposit document over to me there asslicker. This shit's startin' to sound good, I can't fuckin' wait to get a hold of your cash I tell ya!!

Later cuntface,
Frank

Sat, 6 Dec 2003 15:06:57 +0100

Dear uncle frank,

Thanks for your passport,you are a very mithy man,I am afraid you will not kill me if i come over to canada.

I have no parents and I entrusting this money under your care because i am still a student and also an ignorant of business world,i want to continue my education when i come over their.

Uncle I will be sending you the certificate of deposit and the agreement deposit which my late father gave to me.You will present it to the bank as the co-beneficiary to the fund so that the bank will process the transfer documents on your name.

Pls try to understand my situation here,I am not fully capable of handling bank charges that is why i needed a capable hand before I can send any documents and the bank contact,and i believe you will help me in Jesus name Amen....

Do you beleive in God?if so Everything will be ok soonest and we like to be in Canada soonest by next week as soon as you concluded this transaction with the bank.

I hope to hear from you soonest.

Solomon.

Solomon,

Yeah, you're pretty fuckin' "mithy" yourself there too fruitcake. What the fuck does mithy mean anyway??! And do I sound like someone who believes in God??? Think about it fuckwit!! Now enough with this fruity-assed bullshit, and send over that fuckin' certificate of deposit now! I don't have time for this shit you know!

Frank

Mon, 8 Dec 2003 11:52:55 +0100

Dear Frank,

Goodday.

I am sorry I don't need your fuckin help ok.
You are a greedy maga and I never trusted you at all.

By the way,do you exist? Or you scan another fuckin with big nose head to me just to deceive me,if you are real call me now.
Bye unbeliever.
0022505589650

Well, I may not be a greedy maga, but one thing we can be sure of is that this time YOU are the fucking mgbada!!!

So boy, how does it feel to be a stupid mgbada?? Not very fucking good I would think! You need to get a real job because you are too fucking stupid to make a scam work! "Big nose head"??? At least I don't have shit for brains and a fucking cock in my mouth like you, you fucking waste of skin!!!!!

Frank

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